Being Ambitious

If I’ve learned anything this year, it’s that when you’re overly ambitious people tend to either be scared of you or doubt you.

This is the busiest and most driven I’ve ever been and instead of being met with praise and positives, I feel like I’m being met with negativity and doubters. I feel people pulling away from me. I feel people rolling their eyes when I talk about my goals and ambitions. I don’t always get the same support I put out. I’ve noticed I’m the only one going hard for my brand. And you know what!?

That’s fine with me. I’ve got an insatiable hunger now that I’ve gotten a taste of what it means to be a boss and I honestly love it. I find myself no longer wanting to be around people who don’t have that same hunger . I now longer look at men who do the bare minimum and get excited about it. In my eyes if I’m doing xyz and beyond, so do you. I can’t sit at a table where there’s no talk of substance going on. I can’t even begin to think about dating you if you’re not matching my energy and being just as busy if not busier than me. What I want, I get but only because I’m willing to work my ass off for it. If you can’t keep up, I suggest you move to the side So I can get it done. I’m no longer waiting on anyone to get what I need done. I’m doing it by myself and for myself.

God’s Timing…

I’ve been feeling low latley and feeling like God has left me to suffer. I often ask him “why would you make me this way only for people to not understand me or like me” . But the thing with God is who you are is exactly who you’re meant to be. If the people in your life don’t like you or understand you, those people aren’t meant to be in your life. Period. When the same type of negative , manipulative people come into your life over and over , God is trying to teach you a lesson. Those people aren’t for you and you deserve better. But until you see that and believe it, he’s going to keep testing you.

I don’t know what God has in store for me. And I sometimes get impatient because I’m ready for my BLESSINGS NOW. But I know God has something AMAZING for me. It has to be, there’s no way he would take away something bad to only be left with nothing at all. And from what he’s done for me so far…. I can only imagine the blessings I’m about to be rolling in.

2020 isn’t really all that bad..

2020 has been quite the year already and it’s not even over yet. But while the whole world seems to falling apart and trying to heal itself, I’ve been having one the most productive and busiest years of my life. Who knew all it took was covid and lockdown to kick my ass into gear. All the things I’ve wanted to do for YEARS, I finally did. Nothing stood in my way. But I’ve noticed Everytime I’m on a high and I’m getting it done , something is thrown in my way to distract me( most of the time it’s boys) . I can’t help but wonder if the universe is testing me or if the devil sees what I’m becoming and is trying to knock me down. I allow myself to get distracted by useless things and then I’m in a rut for days. Then when I come out of said rut I’m left confused as to why I even let whatever it was brother me for so long. And like GIRL WE GOT SHIT TO DO. There’s no time for tears. I’ve also noticed the more distracted I become the harder I work when I come back to my senses. Either way you want to spin it, this year has been incredible for me.

. Started my own busines

.Started writing my very first book(surprise)

.launched my YouTube channel

When I look at how much I’ve accomplished I’m SHOOK. WHO knew the little ol depressed girl would become all of this! It’s easy to look at what’s in front of you and get discouraged. But you don’t know the bigger picture. You have no idea what’s waiting for you in the end . If you would have told me 4 years ago I would be halfway through finishing uni , owning a business, running a blog and YouTube channel. I would have laughed in your face . This new me I’ve become is worth so much more and so worth protecting. I’m excited to see what the future holds. No more letting distractions win . I’VE GOT SHIT TO DO.

Being ” high maintenance”

I often here men say how they don’t want a women who’s “high maintenance”. What they’re really saying is , they don’t want a women who’s gonna take effort to keep happy. Meaning they want women they can do the bare minimum for and everything will be okay. They don’t want to have to go the extra mile. When lazy men see high maintenance women they get nervous, here’s a women who’s on her shit and keeping herself together and they know they can’t keep up. So they try and make her feel like shit and tell her she’s doing too much or she’s too much work. When in reality he just needs to work harder. Being high maintenance is not a bad thing. All it means is you take great care of yourself and you hold yourself to the highest standards. You also tend to hold everyone else around you to highest standards as well. Being with a high maintenance women should make men want to up their game and be better and do better. Stop using high maintenance as an insult and get your shit together. Don’t hate on her because she has it together. Get your shit together and level up with her .

Why the company you keep is actually important

I like to believe I’m a pretty laid back person, actually I know I am . Which means I can pretty much befriend and gel with ANYBODY. Growing up I was always friends with such a diverse group of people. And it was always a issue for me, I learned pretty quickly that your friend groups aren’t going to always mesh well and it’s sometimes better to keep them separate to avoid all the drama. However the older I get and the more refined and polished I become , I’ve noticed that certain types of people I can no longer mesh with. I hate to judge people off first impressions and the way they carry themselves but I DO. IM all about first impressions, but I’m also a nice dummy who trys to befriend everyone and make everyone feel included. I often ignore the warning signs telling me this person is not for me and it’s gonna end bad, mostly because the voice in my head is my own worst enemy at times and it’s hard to believe her. And because I like to give people the benefit of the doubt no matter how much my gut is telling me not to . I’ve noticed when I hang with those people , I don’t feel like I can be myself and I have to make myself small and keep certain things about me locked away. Out of fear of them thinking I’m stuck up or too liberal or whatever. I lower my frequency to try and match theirs. Then when it all blows up over something stupid (because it always does) I end up feeling drained and like “why did I even waste my time?” I knew deep down this person was not for me but I STILL tried to make it work.

You can absolutely be friends with different types of people, but sometimes there’s people you don’t need to be friends with and you know it. Not that they’re beneath me or anything, it’s just their presence adds no value to my life or well being. I used to not care who I surrounded myself with. Now as I move forward and up with my life, I like to surround myself only with powerful women. Women who aren’t about pettiness and drama, but about their careers and business and being a better person. When you surround yourself with lo-class people with no ambition that’s what you become sooner or later. When you surround yourself with people who work hard and strive for the best, it pushes you to want to be a better person and to work harder.

I’m DONE with people who don’t match my hustle or frequency. They can stay low while I go high!!

Funny thing

Here’s the thing, I was bullied Throughout school. From elementary to highschool. Not to bad but bad enough where I didn’t want to go to school and never spoke a word of it to my family. And it was always the same type of girls- loud, and insecure. It bothered me that these girls didn’t like me, even though they had no reason to. So I worked constantly to become someone they would like, changed myself, and made myself smaller so they would be happy. Did it work,? Sure did, those same bullies that hated me now we’re my friends. They went on and on about how pretty I was and how funny I was. Funny how they didn’t think that before I changed. Flash forward to my adult life and I’m still dealing with those same type of girls-. Except now they’re grown women in their 30s and with kids. It baffles me how those girls never really grew up and now they’re adult bullies still trying to make me feel like shit for being myself. Well guess what? SCREW THEM!!! Im not gonna make myself small to make these adult bullies happy, if you can’t take me in all my dry, sarcastic humor, then you just can’tt take me ! And that’s okay. I’ve never intentionally set out to upset anyone, I’ve always just been myself. Which has upset a certain type of girls- my whole life.
It took me years to finally realize you won’t be for everybody and not everyone will like you unless you change yourself to make them happy. But I’m not 12 anymore and they don’t scare me, I will no longer live small so they can live large. And if people constantly hate on you because of personality traits and it bothers them, you must really be that BITCH.( Sorry mum)

PS.- adult bullies are really sad and pathetic. Grow up and perhaps get a hobby.

Holiday first reaction

Feeling old and dusted at 29

Something very strange happened within the months of vivid becoming a thing and my 29th birthday coming up…. I started reading these crappy sexual heterosexual novels and wanting to all of a sudden be married and have kids‼️ if you personally know me, it came out of nowhere and was super sudden and annoying. I was dressing more girly and acting less like myself and MORE like what I thought a almost 30 year old should be like. I got into the mindset of “if I want a husband I’ve got to fix myself and be perfect first” and let me tell you one thing:PERFECTION does not exist !! Although I have become super busy and have found happiness in building a business and furthering my blog, and you know becoming a GIRLBOSS. I still felt half empty… like okay my time is winding down and I don’t wanna be a old mom, I need to find a MAN now and be married and have my baby before it’s too late. Like this is a constant anxiety loop for me for the past few months. And I can’t decide if it’s because of quarantine and not being able to meet new people or being in my last year of my 20s and feeling like romantically I’m not where I’m suppose to be. Which is silly right?! Because nowhere in real life is it mandatory to have a husband and baby and that equals automatic HAPPINESS. I generally haven’t been attracted to real life men in like two years. So my sudden need for marriage and to be a wife was overwhelming me. Suffocating me. But thing is… I put this pressure on myself and it’s quite silly to be worked up over such trivial things. To put so much of my worth and thought process into being the right kind of women a man will want to marry… when in all honesty FUCK MEN( not the select good few) but the overall population of men SUCK.

So as I sit here and coming to the conclusion that I don’t need to rush myself to find a MAN AND BE A WIFE. I’m dope as well without a man and I’m sure as hell not settling for some mediocre man at that, just so I can say I have one. I’m writing this to remind myself how badass I really am and how even At times were I feel low and feel like a complete failure when it comes to men: IM NOT. And hey there’s always women. the right guy (or girl) will come along and sweep you off your feet. And you will look back at this post and be like damn… I was BUGGING.

We must do better

I’m tired of writing RIP next to a black photo of a man or woman. I’m tired of feeling so heartbroken and defeated about being black in America. I’m tired of of white people pretending to be scared of us, just so they can get rid of us. I’m tired of fearing for my nephews.. brothers and cousin’s Everytime they leave the house to do normal Everyday tasks.

I’m tired

We are tired.

We’ve had enough.

This will not go on any longer. We won’t allow it.

#NOJUSTICENOPEACE