Not In this lifetime

Here’s the thing, I have spent my entire life until 29 catering to what a man likes and what a man needs. All because society and my community showed me that’s the only way to be happy. But here’s the thing that I’ve been fighting with lately…. I don’t have any connections to men anymore. And I’m not just talking physical, I’m talking mentally, and emotionally. It’s been nearly 4 years on this train of self love and men. For some reason they can’t be in the same room for me. From the times I decided to like boys they’ve ruined me in more ways than one. I let them because I didn’t love myself and I didn’t know myself. My body was no longer sacred as it was used just for a quick stint. he never cherished me, he never held me after. He NEVER loved me. I take full responsibility for inviting these type of creatures into my world. I didn’t know back then what I know now…. I have infinite galaxies inside of me. I am the creator of life, I bleed but get back up and keep going. I hold space and love in my heart for women. And most importantly for MYSELF. I no longer have any room for vapid, empty love from boys pretending to be men. I no longer hold space for boys who use my body for their own selfish needs. I no longer hold space for a boy who can’t hold an intelligent conversation and texts as a acceptable form of communication. I NO LONGER HOLD SPACE FOR HIM. BUT FOR SHE, BUT FOR HER AND FOR ME. No I don’t hate all men, but for the men who have abused me in more ways than one, this is for you. I forgive you for me but not for YOU. I OWE YOU NOTHING. I APOLOGISE FOR NOTHING. YOU’RE LUCKY YOU HAD ME EVEN IT WAS JUST FOR A MOMENT. BECAUSE YOU’LL NEVER HAVE ME AGAIN. NOT IN THIS LIFETIME NOT EVEN IN DEATH.


Title: Not in this Lifetime

Published by astoldbyshanise

A writer who’s also a blogger.

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