Feeling old and dusted at 29

Something very strange happened within the months of vivid becoming a thing and my 29th birthday coming up…. I started reading these crappy sexual heterosexual novels and wanting to all of a sudden be married and have kids‼️ if you personally know me, it came out of nowhere and was super sudden and annoying. I was dressing more girly and acting less like myself and MORE like what I thought a almost 30 year old should be like. I got into the mindset of “if I want a husband I’ve got to fix myself and be perfect first” and let me tell you one thing:PERFECTION does not exist !! Although I have become super busy and have found happiness in building a business and furthering my blog, and you know becoming a GIRLBOSS. I still felt half empty… like okay my time is winding down and I don’t wanna be a old mom, I need to find a MAN now and be married and have my baby before it’s too late. Like this is a constant anxiety loop for me for the past few months. And I can’t decide if it’s because of quarantine and not being able to meet new people or being in my last year of my 20s and feeling like romantically I’m not where I’m suppose to be. Which is silly right?! Because nowhere in real life is it mandatory to have a husband and baby and that equals automatic HAPPINESS. I generally haven’t been attracted to real life men in like two years. So my sudden need for marriage and to be a wife was overwhelming me. Suffocating me. But thing is… I put this pressure on myself and it’s quite silly to be worked up over such trivial things. To put so much of my worth and thought process into being the right kind of women a man will want to marry… when in all honesty FUCK MEN( not the select good few) but the overall population of men SUCK.

So as I sit here and coming to the conclusion that I don’t need to rush myself to find a MAN AND BE A WIFE. I’m dope as well without a man and I’m sure as hell not settling for some mediocre man at that, just so I can say I have one. I’m writing this to remind myself how badass I really am and how even At times were I feel low and feel like a complete failure when it comes to men: IM NOT. And hey there’s always women. the right guy (or girl) will come along and sweep you off your feet. And you will look back at this post and be like damn… I was BUGGING.

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