Lessons

What I’ve learned about myself so much these past 3 years is that , friendships consume me. And not in a good way. I often find people I have zero in common with and become fast “best friends “. I then go over and beyond for them and would kill for them. Only to be let down every single time when they don’t Ever share the same energy. But why? Am I not important enough to go hard for? Are they using me and don’t realize it? I can tell you how many times I’ve had friends check In on me or tried to hangout to catch up with me these last few months of 2019-0. All those best friends I went over and beyond for have been nowhere to be found. Crazy right?! Not really , what I learned is people will always let you down when you hold them to any type of standards. People suck and people are getting more selfish with their time. People will see how caring and giving you are and will suck you insanely DRY. My problem is I always attract “friends” like this. So in reality maybe I’m the problem right?! My need for constant love and attention and longing for companionship had made me desperate to befriend and keep friends who aren’t actually great friends at all. This doesn’t mean they’re bad people afcourse just not on par to be great friends with me. It’s made me severely independent. I no longer wait around for people to get things done. I go shopping by MYSELF. I go to the movies by MYSELF. I go workout/running by MYSELF. Because In the end I’m the only one who’s always gonna have my back and I won’t ever let me down. This year I think by loosing friendships I found the best one in ME❤️

The year 28 has taught me

  1. Fuck boys are for little girls who have time on their hands and nothing to do. Not women with plans , goals and ambition. Drop them . You know Them when you see them
  2. Drama is pointless and literally gives you a migraine. Stay clear of EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING THAT BRINGS IT.
  3. Paying bills is an unnecessary necessity unfortunately but makes you feel like a real life grown up with your shit together.
  4. Paying your bills ahead of time makes you feel even better
  5. You’re a little ocd now and have become uneasy when areas are dirty. (I think I’m turning into my mother)
  6. Your work ethic has approved. You’re taking on more but you’re also getting tired faster
  7. Drink LOTS OF WATER. And wine but mostly WATER
  8. YOU’VE been working out a lot this year. Keep it up. Your body thanks you
  9. You smell bullshit a mile away and don’t put up with it no matter who it’s from.
  10. When something bothers you… speak up or it’ll continue to bother you.
  11. You plan on going back to school full time In January. ( keep that promise)
  12. You plan to move out in the next two years. (Keep to it)
  13. Youre into planning and making lists now. (Real life old lady in the making)
  14. You rather go get dinner and drinks versus going to a hott sweaty club.
  15. Which brings us here… you’ve drank way too much between 21-27 and now you can barley drink at all.( sad times)
  16. You like routine and order When things do not go as planned or the routine changes it bothers you DEEPLY.
  17. You HATE asking for help and get it done faster when you don’t have to ask anyone.
  18. People in their early 20s have NOTHING in common with you shanise. You’re almost 30 sister. Stop trying to hang with the young folks. And it explains why they aggravate you. ( damn youths)
  19. You’re gaining more patience with children ( maybe they’re coming for you sooner than you think.
  20. You’ve been acutely aware of the fact that your getting older and have been secretly holding on to childish things and childish ways. It’s okay, let go. 29 and your 30s are gonna be AWESOME.
  21. 28 hasn’t been that bad either.
  22. Boys who don’t have their shit together doesn’t appeal to you.
  23. Boys in general does nothing for you.
  24. Now a MAN….
  25. you’re worth so much more than you give yourself credit for. You’re doing so much better than you give yourself credit for. You got this.

People

“I don’t understand people. I don’t get them at all. I try and try to paint myself this social people loving bunny, but I’m not. I haven’t had the best luck with people. Like I’ve met some serious shitty people in my life. Some real fucking pieces of shit. They’ve used and used me again and then blamed it all on me. Maybe I am to blame for being so fucking thick EVERY time. I mean I put walls up and I’m a BITCH. I let them down and BAM I get used over and over to again. I often wonder how I look to other people? Do I look as pathetic and deprived of love as I feel?! Are these feelings even real or just in my head?! Fight or flight. Am I fighting to survive or just flighting? Sometimes days. Weeks . Months go by and I can’t remember a single thing. Not one. Is that sad? Fight or flight?”

Life

“But what I’m trying to tell you all is life is hard. I mean like actually hard. Especially when you’re a 28 year old broken depressive-anxiety ridden weirdo who thinks she’s gonna die anytime she does anything remotely exciting. But what I’m telling you is life is hard. Especially when you are comfortable with your quirks. You love them. You fuck them. Only for people to hate them. Life is hard man. Especially when everyone is SHOUTING BE YOURSELF… and then you are and then they don’t like you. But the thing is life will always be hard, what matters most is getting back up to fight another round no matter how hard. Life is HARD. But anything worth having shouldn’t be easy. As cliche as it sounds, if it’s easy it’s not worth it. Because what will you learn if you get every thing you want every time you want it?”-shanise lachelle