Happy Monday Friends, and today we’re back with another Queer Post. Talking about how my experiences with heteronormativity ruined me in the biggest way. Make sure you’re subscribed and following for more content . And as always Thank you for all your support.
Ever since I was young , I was a very imaginative and creative being. I wrote a lot of stories, poems , and songs. I loved fashion and dressing differently. I LOVED music and films, and would completely devour any and all art content.
Over my adult life and especially during my 20s I’ve noticed a H U G E decline in my favorite hobbies and interests. And I found it so difficult to keep up with things that I used to find so soothing and easy to do. Yes adult life has become busy and hectic, but it’s always been busy . So why have I let my creativity die and be get lost along the way?!
I blame it in huge parts to me struggling with my sexuality and The Heteronormative collective. I spent a lot of my 20s wanting to be accepted by my straight peers and friends. And changing most of my thoughts and beliefs to match theirs. I didn’t realize in doing that I was essentially killing everything I was. I found it hard to keep liking things I liked because my likes were changing to meet theirs. I became less like me and more like them. With only tiny shreds of the real me left over but getting buried so deeply over time.
I don’t blame my friends for their ways or being straight. I know no one CHOOSES to be attracted to M*N. But I do blame myself for pushing myself to fit inside boxes that weren’t made for me at all. They were never comfortable and it always felt suffocating. And for that my creativity suffered.
It took me two years to finish my second book, when all the material was there. I have several short stories unfinished. And I’ve completely neglected my painting hobbies and my vlogging. My small business is temporarily closed and I don’t know when it will reopen. And I have such a burning desire to create and make new pieces but no urge to get up and just DO IT.
I do believe if I surrounded myself with more Of the lgbtq community and MORE Poc queer folks, I would have 1. Came out sooner and 2. Took my sexuality seriously and 3. My creativity would have BLOSSOMED.
It’s true when they say, the people you surround yourself with , will impact you in ways you would never believe.
Knowing what I know now, I’m learning to forgive myself and not be so angry and at how far I’ve fallen untrue to myself. I’m working my way back one step at a time. And I’m dedicating 2023 to getting back to myself and to surrounding myself with more POC queer folks. Even if that means I have to start some clubs or organizations myself!! It will be done and I will be comfortable and finally happy.
I just have to remember to take it one day at a time.
Dear younger me, I’m so sorry . But I will make it up to you immediately and fully.