Category: mental illness

Covid-19 update

How’s everyone doing?! This seems like it isn’t real and the future is so uncertain. I know I personally was so excited to go into this year and had so many things planned. And now it’s like that’s all been put on hold because of this virus. It’s weird, it’s like we watch all these end of the world movies but we never thought we’d be anywhere close to it. I personally think this is a wake up call for us all! I think the universe is trying to correct what we’ve done wrong to each other and the planet. We literally was living so reckless and careless and this is our wake up call. We have time to think and change our actions. There’s nothing else to do but to think and change. I will admit this whole thing is so stressful to me and gives me anxiety. I laugh at all the memes about it being the end of the world but I’m so scared that it is. And I have so much I still want to do, it almost doesn’t seem fair. But I know it’s not about me, we’re all in this together. There’s nothing any. Of use can do but stay and home and wash our hands. I do think the government has failed us and they’re not telling us everything. This happened too fast and is too big of a situation for it not to have more to the story. I’m super anxious but hopeful for our future. I hope this isn’t the end. And I hope you’re all well and taking care of yourselves! Let’s come out of this stronger and better humans.

Yes Demi 🕊

Demi returned to the stage for first time since 2018 after she overdosed. She sang her song “anyone ” that she wrote days before she overdosed . Just the amount of courage and strength it took to get up there in front of her peers and people she looks up to , and sing her absolute heart out about being depressed is amazing. I don’t know if I could’ve done it! Demis been through ENTIRELY too much to only be 26/27, but that’s what Hollywood/Disney does to you. These kid stars who grow up to have all these issues were put under too much pressure as children. To be the only one paying the bills and supporting an entire cast/ crew and your family is a lot for any teenager. So I’m not surprised that Demi struggles because she had those issues with herself before Disney and being a celebrity made it worse. I just actually NEED her to get a team that cares about her and watches over her. She could have died and that would’ve been it! I pray and hope her time away from the spotlight she really healed and took it seriously. Mental health is no joke and it will have you feeling all types of low and looking for a fix from anything . I’m not entirely happy she’s signed with scooter Braun, but if he can give her what Ariana has let’s do it. She’s got WAY too much talent And passion just to waste it all . Demi we ready for you 🕊

Sex

Don’t be alarmed by the title. It’s truth time. The last few years have been something of a mind FUCk considering my sexuality. And I don’t mean in the way you’re thinking. Ever since I got boobs I was the center of attention for boys. Mix that with the fact that I was super tiny and had a Cute innocent face and I was basically a walking porno. And I won’t lie I always loved the attention. As I got older and became even more aware of my body and potential I became even more of a vixen. but somewhere along the line that’s ALL guys saw me as. And it started to bother me

And fuck with my mental health. I started to HATE my body and hate my boobs and hate everything about me that I used to love. I started to cover up, and I got rid of any revealing clothing. I didn’t wanna be that “vixen ” anymore. I stared searching for ways to be cute and childlike my look, so maybe just maybe I could find a guy who would like me based off of how cute I was and how much interest I had in several different things-marvel. DC. Art. Music. Books etc. I wanted to be the exact opposite of me. I Went into serious self

Loathing period where I Didn’t know who I was or what I wanted. But I wanted NOTHING to do with anything remotely sexual. This lasted on and off for about two years. Then i thought to myself, MEN are STUPID SHANISE. Just because they can’t separate your looks from your brains is NOT your fault. It’s theirs! They fail to realize you’re the WHOLE entire package not just some wetdream to be full field! And it was the guys you least expect (NERDS) with NO game or charm who decided they were gonna stick me in a one-dimensional box. I mean it was the stereotypical fine ass boys too,but mostly it was NERDS.

Which also made me realize it don’t matter what kind of boy he is and if he’s fine or not .a lot of them have a one track mind and it HAS nothing to do with you.

Men simply are just dumb and usually only think with their dicks. Not much we can do with that. But continue to thrive and be AWESOME.

I love my sexuality and I love my body and my TITTIES. And 🖕🏾 whoever got something to say about it and NO I won’t be your friends with benefits 🖕🏾🥰👏 not unless it’s on MY terms.

I’ve been so busy trying to change everything about me when I’m LIT just the way I am. And I’m worth so much more than my body.

The end

Goodbye decade 🥳 hello 2020🍾

At the beginning of this decade I was fresh out of high school(no diploma), no job, no friends and super depressed. and I was lying to everyone around me about what I was I doing with my life. Truth is I wasn’t doing anything and that killed me and I was ashamed. I felt hopeless for the first half of the decade and my 20s , like it would never get better. And for a long time it didn’t. It only got worse. I couldn’t get a job, I couldn’t pass my math ged (always 4 points off) and my friends didn’t understand depression/mental health and walked away. Fast forward to the end of the decade and I’ve had 3 jobs and been in college since 2016, I’ve put my work on hold to go back to school full time in January, I’ve launched a blog/website, started selling my jewelry. Fell inlove, fell out of of love, fell in love with myself, cut off a toxic 10 year nothingship, realized money doesn’t make you happy, made new friends who feel like family, traveled to Mexico, North Carolina, South Carolina , Georgia, California, became much more confident in myself, I became comfortable In my sexuality and so so much more. Started working out and looking after myself. Looking back I’ve accomplished ALOT And I’ve come so far! Shanise from 2010 would NEVER even dream half of this would happen. If I would have gave up in 2012,2013,2014 I wouldn’t be here and wouldn’t have been able to experience the amazing things I have. I’m glad to be saying goodbye to this decade. Although the end of it was amazing , it was still a very hard 10 years for me and I really went through it! Here’s to 2020🥂🍾 and to hoping I’ve finally found my way and I can let go of all the past bullshit. Here’s to another 10 years!!!!! (Please be better than the last)🥳🍾

HAPPY NEW YEARS, BE SAFE🍾🥂🎶

Goodbye 2019

Here’s the thing, the god honest truth, 2019 was the hardest year I’ve had in a long time. I went fresh into the new year with a new job and a new semester of school and full of hope(New website). Ended up succeeding in work but failed an entire semester of school. I dropped out temporally. I made new friends whilst keeping the old ones. New friends turned out not to be so good for my mental health. Old friends started new ventures and moved away. Cue my mental health taking another dive. My love life, completely toxic and full of drama. Cue my mental health taking ANOTHER dive. For the first time in years, I felt hopeless and just useless. I was working non-stop and was miserable. I felt like my life was going nowhere. In August I started pushing everyone away. And by November I could barley leave my bed unless I had to go to work. I wasn’t sleeping and my mind was in overdrive . Without getting to TMI on the god awful internet, I just want to say all of this sucked major ass and I’m going into 2020 hopeful. I’m making a lot of changes for the new year and I just hope I’m back here alive on December 27 ,2020 to tell you all about my amazing wonderful year. I’m rooting for myself for the first time EVER. Happy New Years 🥳

Hello the new me

  • This new me is a me I’ve secretly met many times before. But loudly afraid of reactions and loosing friendships I’ve kept her (closeted). I’ve always come back to her just to keep her hidden away. Safe. She was perfect . Pure. I didn’t want anyone to see her really or to ruin her. I let a bit of her shine every-once and a while, then I get scared and tell her ” that’s enough now, don’t do too much now”

I think she’s who I’m meant to be. She’s fiercely everything I ever wanted to be. She loves me unconditionally. I hope she stays in me. She arrived late but just in time. The end of a decade full of wondering and left behinds. Girl 2020 and beyond is your time to SHINE. hello new me it’s so fucking nice to finally feel free to be you❤️

Honest

“Honestly depression isn’t kind. It kills people and we know these are facts. Yet we still treat fragile depressed people like shit. Life can really suck sometimes. Like it isn’t all rainbows and unicorns. It’s blood , stress and tears. It’s your mind telling you you’ll never be worth anything. You’re nothing. It’s crying yourself to sleep some nights and waking up with a headache. It’s spending days in the bed. It’s functioning like a normal person at work then getting home and just sitting in one spot for hours. It’s daydreaming constantly about happy times and the day it’ll all end. It’s pushing yourself through it day by day even when you don’t want to. It’s loneliness. It’s emptiness. It’s just a black hole. It’s not talking about it cause it’s hard to explain and nobody really cares anyway. I’ll tell you honestly depression is NOT KIND, so maybe you should be… just a little if anything”