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I’ve been in a constant state of coming out since 2017. Coming out, going back in and so fourth.
The entire time I was IN I was confirming to the Heterosexual community experience and what I should look like and dress like. I wanted NOT to be queer and wanted to appear as straight as possible. That way if I looked like my gorgeous SUPER STRAIGHT friends, more guys would like or want me and I’d have a boyfriend.
So I spent pretty much all of my adulthood constantly changing the way I dressed to make everyone else happy and comfortable. I feel when I was questioning my sexuality a bit that’s when I would cut my hair and experiment with different fashion styles. When I was trying to be Straight I dressed like other straight girls. and while I felt pretty and accepted I was B O R E D. And felt like an outer body experience.
Over the years I’ve become so wrapped up in looking a certain way, I’ve lost all of my uniqueness. I’ve always dressed for myself since I became interested in fashion and always did my own thing. so much so the girls I wanted to be like always told me I had my own look. And when they would see something out of the box, would think of me. I’ve become so bored with fashion and my sense of style the last 5 years. Because I almost feel like I’m praying dress up and NOT staying true to myself. The only recent moments of pure bliss I’ve had when it comes to my fashion is going to K-pop concerts. and being within the K-pop community where they celebrate extreme differences.
I hope the more comfortable I become within myself and being a lesbian, I can get back to the way I used to be. Somewhere along the way I lost it and lost ME. I hope to get her back.