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I can’t wait to finally be SEEN. For someone to look at me and really SEE me . To really know me like I know me. To understand me. To actually listen to me. To notice things about me that I don’t have to tell them. To love me the way I love me. I can’t wait to finally be SEEN. It’s just lonely being the only one who knows ME.

Sex

Don’t be alarmed by the title. It’s truth time. The last few years have been something of a mind FUCk considering my sexuality. And I don’t mean in the way you’re thinking. Ever since I got boobs I was the center of attention for boys. Mix that with the fact that I was super tiny and had a Cute innocent face and I was basically a walking porno. And I won’t lie I always loved the attention. As I got older and became even more aware of my body and potential I became even more of a vixen. but somewhere along the line that’s ALL guys saw me as. And it started to bother me

And fuck with my mental health. I started to HATE my body and hate my boobs and hate everything about me that I used to love. I started to cover up, and I got rid of any revealing clothing. I didn’t wanna be that “vixen ” anymore. I stared searching for ways to be cute and childlike my look, so maybe just maybe I could find a guy who would like me based off of how cute I was and how much interest I had in several different things-marvel. DC. Art. Music. Books etc. I wanted to be the exact opposite of me. I Went into serious self

Loathing period where I Didn’t know who I was or what I wanted. But I wanted NOTHING to do with anything remotely sexual. This lasted on and off for about two years. Then i thought to myself, MEN are STUPID SHANISE. Just because they can’t separate your looks from your brains is NOT your fault. It’s theirs! They fail to realize you’re the WHOLE entire package not just some wetdream to be full field! And it was the guys you least expect (NERDS) with NO game or charm who decided they were gonna stick me in a one-dimensional box. I mean it was the stereotypical fine ass boys too,but mostly it was NERDS.

Which also made me realize it don’t matter what kind of boy he is and if he’s fine or not .a lot of them have a one track mind and it HAS nothing to do with you.

Men simply are just dumb and usually only think with their dicks. Not much we can do with that. But continue to thrive and be AWESOME.

I love my sexuality and I love my body and my TITTIES. And 🖕🏾 whoever got something to say about it and NO I won’t be your friends with benefits 🖕🏾🥰👏 not unless it’s on MY terms.

I’ve been so busy trying to change everything about me when I’m LIT just the way I am. And I’m worth so much more than my body.

The end

Is romance dead?

I , a 28 year old women like creature has yet to experience real true genuine love.

Not for the lack of trying believe me. I’ve been on TONS of dates and something like dates, for the other person to disappear or only want sex. Romance is dead on my generation. No one opens the door anymore or buys you flowers.

I blame every romance novel and film for getting my hopes up. Nothing in the real world is even close to that. I mean I haven’t come across it yet.

I’ve been on the verge a few times but ending up falling short. Now this also very well could be the fact that I don’t put myself out there ALOT. I’m not sorry, I’ve done the whole party every weekend scene and it’s genuinely hard to find someone to connect to whilst they’re drunk. And would you believe that I haven’t randomly bumped into a handsome stranger for him to fall madly in love with me?! The utter outrage. Also let’s talk about dating sites because that’s how EVERYBODY is meeting their significant other now. I’ve been on a couple for like a week or so each. Nothing ever bites and when they do it’s for, you guessed it a HOOKUP. Why do guys just think you wanna fuck them right away!? Like I went on a date once where every time I asked a question about him he started to talk about something else. Which alone should’ve been a red flag. This one guy I had zero interest in at all messaged me and we went to high school together, so I though wow how random. I thought he was flirting because he wanted to date me and he was flirting because he just wanted sex.

Now can you see why I’m a little cynical.?! Not to mention almost every single guy I’ve had anything with in the last 10 years was a BUM. Sucking all of my light out of me. Literally, a STRAIGHT UP BUM. No ambition, no charm, no respect and sometimes no damn job. But that also is about me settling because I don’t wanna be ALONE.

But here I am almost (30), with 10 years worth of dating horror stories and growth! I’ve learned what I don’t want and what I do want!! And most importantly I’ve fallen madly in love with ME. And me deserves the flowers for no reason and being spoiled on her birthday by someone else. Me deserves someone to be genuinely interested in me and what I have to say. Me deserves someone making me waffles because they’re better than pancakes. Me deserves the BEst.

I’m going to school full time next week for 5 months and will I meet someone? Or a few someone’s?! I am in the environment where people meet other people, I’ll let you know how it goes.

Despite how negative this post is, I have high hopes for 2020! I will fall inlove. (Hopefully)

2020 is the year of women and romance❤️

2020 is gonna be a big year for women and romance. Here are some of my most anticipated films of 2020.

1. Birds of prey

2. Wonder Woman :1984

3. After we collided

4. To all the boys: ps I still love you

5. Black widow

6. New Mutants

Will update this list as movie news comes out or my interest is peaked.

Dump trump has done it again🙄

Imagine as a nation how tired we are.

dummie trump has now declared war on Iran and all so his impeachment trial would be put on hold or stopped and because re-election is coming back up. I say this man is the dumbest not dumb person I’ve never not ever met. I genuinely hate that he’s our president and he makes America look ridiculously stupid. We are the laughing stock of the world. I sincerely hope EVERY person who took the election has a joke and wanted to give this moron a chance , sees this is every bit there fault as it is his and his stupid ass team. I’m over it and ready to go to Canada. I hate it here . Y’all were really worried about Hilary’s emails but look where we are NOW. Just LOOK.

Australia is on fire

Australia has been on fire for weeks according to every Aussie under the sun. But has just been brought to the media’s attention this past weekend. I do think in situations like this it’s AMAZING how humanity is somewhat restored and we come together as people to donate and help spread the word. But I have two points to make today. 1. When the Notre dame was burning down I couldn’t unsee that on every news station and every social media outlet and by the end of the day or week wasn’t over a million dollars raised to rebuild it? ( I could be wrong) but it seemed people were genuinely more outraged at that then an entire country being on fire. I know it’s easy to sit back and not care because it’s all the way on the other side of the world, but this affects all of us, wether we like it or not. Australia being on fire is a climate change issue!! And anyone who says otherwise is in denial. 2. The amount of rich as fuck celebrities begging the lower class to donate money is beyond lost on me. Yes we should all do what we can to help, but some of us don’t have it to help and feel immense guilt that we can’t donate hundreds of dollars . But celebrities can, if each of the richest celebrities donated at least 1 million, just 1 ,imagine the damage that can start to be undone. They’ve already lost over a billion of their animals! A BILLION. That’s more than half of their Animals heading towards extinction! Donate if you can! But also spread the word, and don’t feel bad if you can’t! Also make sure you’re donating to charities that are really gonna use the money to help the Australians. I know there’s been problems with Red Cross before.

And pray for Australia, because it could’ve been America. It could’ve been California, Florida, Arizona. It so easily could’ve been us and it still can happen to us if we don’t take climate change seriously.

Single

The thing about being single is , I’ve been “single” or on my own for so long I’ve lost the interest to be with someone. I’ve had so many failed relationships it’s made me hard and unable to open up to anyone. It’s like why bother when I’ll probably just end up disappointed like I always am. Which I’m aware is a very negative way to go about life and love in general but alas here I am. With my walls built high and doing everything for myself. I buy my own flowers, take myself shopping, hype myself up, take myself on dates, I open my own pickle jars, kill the spiders on my own and if I want something , I buy it for myself. I don’t wait for some magical knight in shinning armor to buy it for me. In fact I feel very weird about guys buying me gifts in general. The point is once you’ve been single and let down so many times, it’s hard to open yourself up to love.

For 2020 I’m hoping I can get my shit together and try and let someone in. I don’t need anyone, but it would be nice to have someone sometimes. Maybe even if it’s just so they can open my pickle jar for me instead.

Goodbye decade 🥳 hello 2020🍾

At the beginning of this decade I was fresh out of high school(no diploma), no job, no friends and super depressed. and I was lying to everyone around me about what I was I doing with my life. Truth is I wasn’t doing anything and that killed me and I was ashamed. I felt hopeless for the first half of the decade and my 20s , like it would never get better. And for a long time it didn’t. It only got worse. I couldn’t get a job, I couldn’t pass my math ged (always 4 points off) and my friends didn’t understand depression/mental health and walked away. Fast forward to the end of the decade and I’ve had 3 jobs and been in college since 2016, I’ve put my work on hold to go back to school full time in January, I’ve launched a blog/website, started selling my jewelry. Fell inlove, fell out of of love, fell in love with myself, cut off a toxic 10 year nothingship, realized money doesn’t make you happy, made new friends who feel like family, traveled to Mexico, North Carolina, South Carolina , Georgia, California, became much more confident in myself, I became comfortable In my sexuality and so so much more. Started working out and looking after myself. Looking back I’ve accomplished ALOT And I’ve come so far! Shanise from 2010 would NEVER even dream half of this would happen. If I would have gave up in 2012,2013,2014 I wouldn’t be here and wouldn’t have been able to experience the amazing things I have. I’m glad to be saying goodbye to this decade. Although the end of it was amazing , it was still a very hard 10 years for me and I really went through it! Here’s to 2020🥂🍾 and to hoping I’ve finally found my way and I can let go of all the past bullshit. Here’s to another 10 years!!!!! (Please be better than the last)🥳🍾

HAPPY NEW YEARS, BE SAFE🍾🥂🎶