Being a Fan girl .

By : Shanise Lachelle

I’ve been a true fan girl since my toddler days, and my first obsession was Barney. Leave it to my family to tell it, I just HAD to have everything Barney and watch the TV series all day everyday. But I was happy and generally a good kid.

Flashforward to my teen years and it was Disney+ high school musical+ Twilight. EVERYBODY who knew me , knew as the high school musical girl. Then it was Twilight, Jonas brothers, etc .

It then got to the point where although I LOVED pop culture and being a part of a fandom who was just as passionate as me, I was also interested in boys and dating and being seen as “NORMAL”. I wanted to be liked so bad by the popular kids, so I toned it down and made my myself seem normal so they would like me. I told myself to secretly be a fan girl, but to NEVER be as public, so people wouldn’t make fun of me and boys would like me. Spoiler: It in fact did not work. The boys I wanted still ignored me, and the girls were still mean to me and didn’t invite me many places. But I still pushed on with this mentality up until my late 20s.

It was better to be seen not obsessive and crazy and to be seen “a normal ” girl who did normal things : go out, get drunk, find a boyfriend ect. But truth was, I didn’t want to do those things deep down but knew I had too to appease the people in my life. I just wanted to fangirl In peace and find my people.

Just the other night my sister lightly accused me of being “Obsessive with pop culture”. And noone is obsessed with pop culture like me . It made me shrink into myself and it instantly took me back to being a bullied child .

But then I thought about how big HARRY POTTER IS, HOW BIG STAR WARS IS, DISNEY, KPOP, and how their fandoms proudly support them loud and proud and don’t give a crap. So obviously I’m not the ONLY one obessed with pop culture sis but nice try!

I find it weird that people will try and make you feel weird about loving something so passionately. If it makes people happy and they’re not hurting anyone , why do you care!? The jokes and calling fan girls “crazy” is getting old and it’s time people let US live without the constant crap!!

I’m 30 and FINALLY feel like I’m free from the shackles of having to do what feels Normal. I don’t want to be married or have kids right now, and I feel that confuses many people in my life. But I’m okay with that, I’d rather be at conventions and concerts, than changing diapers, and trying to make a broken relationship work for the 36th time. And settling for the absolute bare minimum.

I AM FINALLY FREE, LET ME BE A FANGIRL IN PEACE.

Do you ever feel like you deal with this? Let me know in the comments down below. Until next time friends….

And If someone ever tries to make fun of you or make you feel bad for being a fan girl, tell them to go to HELL.

Published by astoldbyshanise

A writer who’s also a blogger.

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