Goodbye 2019

Here’s the thing, the god honest truth, 2019 was the hardest year I’ve had in a long time. I went fresh into the new year with a new job and a new semester of school and full of hope(New website). Ended up succeeding in work but failed an entire semester of school. I dropped out temporally. I made new friends whilst keeping the old ones. New friends turned out not to be so good for my mental health. Old friends started new ventures and moved away. Cue my mental health taking another dive. My love life, completely toxic and full of drama. Cue my mental health taking ANOTHER dive. For the first time in years, I felt hopeless and just useless. I was working non-stop and was miserable. I felt like my life was going nowhere. In August I started pushing everyone away. And by November I could barley leave my bed unless I had to go to work. I wasn’t sleeping and my mind was in overdrive . Without getting to TMI on the god awful internet, I just want to say all of this sucked major ass and I’m going into 2020 hopeful. I’m making a lot of changes for the new year and I just hope I’m back here alive on December 27 ,2020 to tell you all about my amazing wonderful year. I’m rooting for myself for the first time EVER. Happy New Years 🥳

Honest

“Honestly depression isn’t kind. It kills people and we know these are facts. Yet we still treat fragile depressed people like shit. Life can really suck sometimes. Like it isn’t all rainbows and unicorns. It’s blood , stress and tears. It’s your mind telling you you’ll never be worth anything. You’re nothing. It’s crying yourself to sleep some nights and waking up with a headache. It’s spending days in the bed. It’s functioning like a normal person at work then getting home and just sitting in one spot for hours. It’s daydreaming constantly about happy times and the day it’ll all end. It’s pushing yourself through it day by day even when you don’t want to. It’s loneliness. It’s emptiness. It’s just a black hole. It’s not talking about it cause it’s hard to explain and nobody really cares anyway. I’ll tell you honestly depression is NOT KIND, so maybe you should be… just a little if anything”

Life

“But what I’m trying to tell you all is life is hard. I mean like actually hard. Especially when you’re a 28 year old broken depressive-anxiety ridden weirdo who thinks she’s gonna die anytime she does anything remotely exciting. But what I’m telling you is life is hard. Especially when you are comfortable with your quirks. You love them. You fuck them. Only for people to hate them. Life is hard man. Especially when everyone is SHOUTING BE YOURSELF… and then you are and then they don’t like you. But the thing is life will always be hard, what matters most is getting back up to fight another round no matter how hard. Life is HARD. But anything worth having shouldn’t be easy. As cliche as it sounds, if it’s easy it’s not worth it. Because what will you learn if you get every thing you want every time you want it?”-shanise lachelle

Dear teenage shanise

  1. Your stepdad was right you’re gonna get your heart broken 100 million times over before you even hit 25.
  2. You don’t really like party’s or going out. But you’ll do it anyway to just socialize.
  3. You don’t like socializing all the time or making new friends. It’s exhausting.
  4. You’ve yet to find your tribe. But you will
  5. Your current friends don’t really get you and think you’re a weirdo. Newsflash you ARE A WEIRDO.
  6. You’re gonna date ALOT of fuckboys. So many you’ll convince yourself you’re a lesbian. (And maybe you are)And god is trying to teach you a lesson through suffering 🤷🏾‍♀️
  7. You will suffer greatly from depression and anxiety and very few people in your life will understand you. Or stick around
  8. You’ll give up trying to please everyone . And everyone will call you crazy and a bitch in return but oh well.
  9. You’ll launch a website and begin to work towards opening your own online shop. That’s the most exciting thing to come sis just you wait.😁
  10. You’ll experience life in ways you never thought you needed to . But it’ll break you and make you the strongest person you’ll ever know. Just hold on girl , there’s so much more in store for you. Hold on

Late 20s blues

Everyone has gone through it, it’s that time after 25 where you’re not exactly sure what you’re doing in your life or if you’re on the right path. You often feel like a waste of space and like you shouldn’t even be here. I’ve been having a lot of these moments lately. Which is weird cause I finally feel like I’m getting somewhere in my life and finally navigating towards my goals. But at the same time I feel like “shit I’m almost 30, I’m not doing enough”. Which then leads to me trying to find more hobbies and take on more social events than I can manage. Which then leads to me being overwhelmed with how much I’ve taken on, but also (I NEED TO DO MORE). It’s the pressure society puts on my generation to be “booked and busy”. It’s always, ” when I was your age I was in school and had two or three jobs” or the ” you don’t even do enough to be so tired “. When in reality Gretchen I’m probably doing way more than you ever did in 1802. Trying to work full time, while also be full time in college, while also trying to run a blog/website and have some sort of social life. And worry about the constant state of our country and planet. Although I do often have some late 20s blues, I do feel like I’m on the absolute right path. And as I enter my last two years of my twenty’s … I feel more confident and ready for my 30s. And more than ready to leave my late 20s blues behind.